|The Controversial Survey
||[Sep. 29th, 2008|10:00 pm]
 Do you have the guts to answer these questions and re-post as The Controversial Survey?|
No. I think with my brain and type with my fingers. My guts are working on pizza.
 Would you do meth if it was legal?
I hate math. Oh meth. I would never have sex with meth, legal or no. She's a little hefty.
 Abortion: for or against it?
I am pro-life, if it's my life. I believe abortion is murder, and frankly, fetuses haven't sinned enough to be aborted. Once they become adults, I would abort all of the sinners.
 Do you think the world would fail with a female US president?
Yes, because she'd end up lactating all over the Constitution. That, plus Sarah Palin is clearly retarded, and that means most females are. The entire world would fail within 7 months of a woman being sworn in as US president.
 Do you believe in the death penalty?
They report on it every so often, but I've never seen it, so unless I see it with my own eyes, no.
 Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?
Oh sweet Jesus yes. Modern technology and civilization, what with its cars and microwave ovens and airplanes and fireworks and carpet and light bulbs and soft clothing and plentiful food from all corners of the earth and chocolate and vibrators and don't even get me started on the internet and televisions and enormous CGI movies and balloons and mirrors and democracy and exercise equipment and bouncy balls and advanced medical care is honestly not enough to make me happy. For that, I need legal marijuana.
 Are you for or against premarital sex?
 Do you believe in God?
Not with a capital letter, no. But Jesus lived and Mohammed lived and Oprah lived and that is enough for me.
 Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?
Yes for lesbians, but no for gay men, only because they're so absolutely wacky when you electrocute them. Marriage should only be between something and a woman.
 Do you think it's wrong that so many immigrants are moving into the country?
I'd feel much weirder if people were immigrating out of this country, as it would rock the fundamentals of my understanding of the English language.
And no, because immigrants are just so damned hot and so damned easy.
 A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep it?
How did she get it? I'm not for twelve year olds stealing babies. If she stole it, she should give it back. But if it was a gift to her from someone, she can do whatever she wants with it. I'd sell it, were I twelve. Babies are worth a lot.
 Should the alcohol age be increased to 21?
I've heard of the Stone Age, the Bronze Age, and the Iron Age, but I have never heard of the Alcohol Age. I'm not sure when we started drinking, but I think people in the Bible drank before Jesus was born, so I'd probably keep the Alcohol Age whenever it is - like 200 BC?
 Should the war in Iraq be called off?
Yes. On an actual phone. It should go like this:
"Hello. This is General American."
"Hello General. This is the President. End the war."
"Yes, Mr. President."
"Ok thanks. How've you been?"
"Oh, pretty good. It's kind of hot outside."
"Yeah it is. I'd talk more, but your mom's calling me. It's almost dinnertime."
"Ok, Mr President."
"Good bye, General American. I love you."
"I love you too! Bye."
 Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree?
Yes.... was this a trick question? It is illegal. Maybe - did you mean worldwide? Then it's no for some places. I'm not sure what you're asking. So no - I don't agree.
 Do you believe in spanking your children?
Mine and other people's. Kids have the firmest little asses.
 Would you burn your country's flag for a million dollars?
Christ yes. I'd eat the flag for a million dollars.
 Who do you think would make a better US president? McCain or Obama?
Which McCain and which Obama? Ahhhhh - I see your tricks!
If you mean John McCain and Barack Obama, I think John McCain would, because he has the more American name. Barack Obama can be president of Mus-land.
 What is the biggest problem with society that needs to be dealt with?
Unintelligent unaborted unChristian sinners.
And fat people.
 Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
No. But I'm afraid I'll judge myself. =(